The Stories We’re Told

The stories we’re told…

Society often sends women various messages, both explicit and implicit, about how they should behave, look, and value themselves. Some of these messages include:

1. Beauty Standards: Women are often pressured to conform to narrow beauty standards, which can include being thin, having clear skin, and fitting into specific body shapes.
2. Gender Roles: Society often assigns traditional roles to women, such as being caregivers, homemakers, or nurturing by nature. These expectations can limit women’s choices and opportunities.
3. Emotional Labor: Women are often expected to take on the emotional labor of managing relationships, resolving conflicts, and providing support to others.
4. Career Expectations: Women may face stereotypes and biases when it comes to their professional aspirations. They are sometimes discouraged from pursuing certain careers or face challenges in reaching leadership positions.
5. Body Image Pressure: Women are often bombarded with messages about their appearance, leading to body dissatisfaction and low self-esteem. They may feel pressure to attain an idealized body type or constantly strive for physical perfection.
6. Self-Worth Tied to Relationships: Society often places a high value on women’s relationships and their ability to form romantic partnerships or become mothers. This can lead to the idea that a woman’s worth is dependent on her relationship status.
7. Victim Blaming: In cases of harassment, assault, or violence, women may be subjected to victim-blaming, where society questions their actions or appearance instead of holding the perpetrators accountable.

The meaning we make…

So how does this affect us as women? Well, for starters, it ingrains the “should” thinking pattern within our minds from a very young age. This is one of the most common thought patterns that I work with women on. Ask yourself how many times a day do you think about how you actually feel or want to do versus how many times do you think about how you should feel or what you should do?

The “should” thinking pattern refers to a cognitive process in which individuals create rigid expectations or rules about how things should be or how they and others should behave. It involves setting high standards and having a strong sense of what is right or wrong, often leading to feelings of obligation, guilt, and self-judgment.

This pattern of thinking can manifest in various aspects of life, including personal relationships, career aspirations, body image, and societal expectations. Here are some key aspects of the “should” thinking pattern:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: “Should” statements often involve setting unrealistic standards for oneself and others. For example, thinking “I should always be perfect” or “Others should always agree with me.” These expectations can be unattainable and lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment.
2. External Pressure: The “should” thinking pattern is often influenced by external factors such as societal norms, cultural values, and the expectations of others. People may feel pressured to conform to these expectations, even if they don’t align with their true desires or values.
3. Self-Judgment and Guilt: When individuals don’t meet their own “should” standards, they may experience self-judgment and guilt. They may feel like they have failed or are not living up to their own or others’ expectations, leading to a negative self-perception and decreased self-esteem.
4. Comparison and Perfectionism: “Should” thinking can fuel a tendency to compare oneself to others and strive for perfection. Individuals may constantly evaluate themselves and feel inadequate if they perceive others as doing better or meeting the “should” standards they have set for themselves.
5. Lack of Flexibility: The “should” thinking pattern often lacks flexibility and adaptability. It can limit creativity, problem-solving, and personal growth, as individuals may feel trapped by rigid rules and have difficulty embracing change.

Overcoming the “should” thinking pattern involves developing self-awareness, challenging irrational beliefs, and practicing self-compassion. It is important to recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. Embracing acceptance, setting realistic expectations, and focusing on personal values can help individuals break free from the constraints of “should” thinking and cultivate a more compassionate and fulfilling mindset.